As the first post for my new blog, I thought it appropo for me to repost an earlier blog from myDivorced Diva’s Guide to Survival blog www.divorced-diva.blogspot.com. My hubbie read this posting aloud on my wedding day. It was amazing how vulnerable I felt standing there in front of 90 of my favorite people having this blog come to life. After all, I shared it in the Virtual World….
That reading inspired me to start a new blog–one about my journey to make life beautiful. I will continue to post at the DD blog from time to time, but it’s time to make the transition. Enjoy….. and let me introduce myself…
Introducing……..HRH, The Princess of Argyle.
Imagine if you would a little girl in a sparkly pink dress with layers of ruffles underneath. Her long blond hair is in ringlets with pink, silver, and white ribbons intertwined. Her tiny fingernails are painted a delicate pink with a smattering of glitter. She twirls sparklers and ribbons and sometimes big golden pinwheels. The Princess giggles incessantly and skips from place to place in her white patent leather shoes with frilly white socks (pre-labor day, of course).
Despite her frills and her sparkly frocks, the Princess desperately longs for adventure – to be found worthy – to be important. She wants to play an important part in the world – to offer hope and beauty – to console the suffering – to rescue puppies and kitties.
Not content to stand still and look pretty, the Princess has been known to pull on her daddy’s boots, slip on a piece of armor, and wield his heavy sword in mock battle. She dreams of the day when she can defend the family honor…..save the day…..and be seen as worthy just like her boy cousins.
Life goes on and she learns to use his shield – mostly to protect her heart….to hide the fact that she is shaking in her boots when conflict comes. Large shields are adept at hiding hot tears from her attackers. She learns that the sword can gives her power – power to be brave….to be heard….to be in control – but that sword can also pierce the hearts of others with wounds that sometimes never heal.
This Princess – this little girl lives inside of me. There are times when like Cinderella, she had worn rags and dreamed of better days and there are times where she has shined in all her glory. Sometimes I get protective and don’t let her shine – using the shield to hide her sensitive heart. Sometimes, I pull my daddy’s boots on, grab his shield and the sword so heavy I am not sure I can wield it…….saying…..be brave…..show your worth……show you are worth something….that losing you is painful……and I fight with all my might. I hold down my princess-heart emotions, refuse to see the heart of my opponent and be valiant.
Oh I talk a good game – I act brave and seem to approach things head on…..but deep down inside, I am still a little girl in a pink dress wearing her daddy’s too big boots and armor wielding a sword with all her might to valiantly protect herself from an evil king saying, “you’ll never beat me” all the while wishing someone would come riding up on a big horse, rescue her, and put her safely in the castle with a glass of milk and some cookies. This little girl longs to be brave, to prove that she is worthy…….but if she stops for a second, she will simply just break down and cry.
There is a song by a 90’s Christian group called Small Town Poets with a line that says, “If you let me love you, we’ll sit here and cry.” Sometimes that is all I want……
Can that happen?? Can I be brave and un-brave?? Can I be adventurous yet fragile? Can I protect and allow myself to be protected? It’s complicated……..but that’s why I am a Princess.